Status Update June 3, 2016

Alright, this post is going to have a lot of updates, not really on my health, which hasn't changed since the last post, but more on other things going on in my life.

First, I got my Social Security hearing results and unfortunately the judge did not rule in my favor. So now I'm appealing that decision. My lawyer says it will take about 16 months to find out if I'll be getting a new hearing or if that decision will be deemed final. Oof.

Second, I'm leaving LA for good next week and am moving in with my parents in Seattle. This was something I was planning on doing whether I won the hearing or not. They're moving back to where I grew up in Oregon sometime next year, and I plan on moving to Oregon when they do, I'm just not sure where yet, likely with them for a bit in a Garden State/Lady Dynamite type of situation before I can save up enough money to live on my own again.

Third, I'm planning on spending my time in Seattle training myself to be a professional illustrator through a combination of online courses and in-person art classes. I've finally realized that my body and the film/video/tv production industry are no longer compatible, and I need to stop trying to find gigs that will accommodate me in an industry that's so physical and requires such long hours. Illustration is something that can be and often is done remotely, which is what I need. Until recently, I hadn't really drawn much since middle school - my mom says I stopped because I was sick of people asking me to draw things for them...?  I never considered it something I could actually do as a career until my friend Laura hooked me up with an illustration gig for Links of London that was totally legit! (----> check out Laura's awesome swimsuit line Novel Swim <----) But I've only taken a couple art classes since high school, and no art history classes, so I want to really get to know the medium (like I did with film in college) by studying the history and techniques, and also teach myself the software, so I can get real good and put together an impressive portfolio.

So, those are the updates. When I get to Seattle I'll find new doctors and start again on that front. Luckily it seems like Medicaid in Washington is a lot better than Medicaid in California. But we shall see!

On a final note, I just want to let everyone know that despite all this, I'm ok, and I'm going to be ok. I know that chronic pain often comes with depression, and a lot of people are worried about me, so I just want everyone to know that I'm not severely depressed or suicidal. Yes, I get sad and frustrated at times but I've learned not to dwell on the things I can't change. I often think of a nightmare I had once when I was younger when I became self-aware in the dream and screamed out "change the channel!" and it switched from a bad dream to a good dream. So I just try to do that in real life :)

I feel incredibly lucky that I have the support system that I have and that I'm able to move in with loving parents who would do anything for me. I know that a lot of people don't have that, and those are the people who fall through the cracks. Someday when I have my shit together, I hope to be able to help out people who don't have a support system like me. I also feel very lucky that I got to live the life I've lived thus far, going to college on the east coast, traveling around the world, living in New York and and working in TV. I feel like I've already lived one great life and am starting another, quieter life, as an artist, with a garden, back in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. So come visit!

Status Update March 30, 2016

I had my hearing for Social Security Disability yesterday. My mom came into town for it, which was really nice, and my lawyer flew in from New York for it. I testified at the hearing, answering questions from my lawyer and the judge, and they also had a vocational expert testify over the phone. The judge said he would take about 60 days to make a decision, so I won't know whether I'll be approved or denied until late May. My lawyer thinks it went well, so fingers crossed.

I also had my appointment with a neurologist that I've been waiting on for months. We met for about an hour and he examined me and looked over all my records and MRIs and concluded that I don't have a neurological issue. Which is good news, because neurological issues can be bad, and also bad news, because we still don't know what's causing my pain. The neurologist told me to go back to the pain specialist I've been seeing, who told me she was stumped at our last visit. I'm on Medicaid now, which Cedars-Sinai doesn't take, so I need to decide whether to go back to her and pay out of pocket, or try to find someone new through Medicaid.

So that's where I'm at. I'll post again in 60 days once I know whether I'm approved or denied for disability.

Status Update March 3, 2016

Just a quick update that I finally got a court date for my Social Security Disability appeal hearing - March 29. I won't say too much about it here, just that I really hope I win because I don't know what I'm gonna do if I lose.

Now that the trial is a real thing that's happening I've been worrying about it nonstop, so much that I sliced the tip of my pinky finger last week cutting mushrooms because I was distracted thinking about what I had to make sure to tell my lawyer. So now I'm trying to find the right balance between thinking about the trial so I'm fully prepared, and distracting myself with other things so I'm not constantly freaking out about it.

I also got a little bit of illustration work through a referral from a friend from college who liked my Barb Ross stuff, which was really awesome. It was just a few hours of work spaced out over a few weeks, but it was so great to be able to earn some money and especially to get paid to draw. I had to plan it out really carefully and spent a week resting before I did it and over a week recovering in a ton of pain after, but it was worth it.

I'll post again after the hearing, hopefully with good news. Fingers crossed.