First, I got my Social Security hearing results and unfortunately the judge did not rule in my favor. So now I'm appealing that decision. My lawyer says it will take about 16 months to find out if I'll be getting a new hearing or if that decision will be deemed final. Oof.
Second, I'm leaving LA for good next week and am moving in with my parents in Seattle. This was something I was planning on doing whether I won the hearing or not. They're moving back to where I grew up in Oregon sometime next year, and I plan on moving to Oregon when they do, I'm just not sure where yet, likely with them for a bit in a Garden State/Lady Dynamite type of situation before I can save up enough money to live on my own again.
Third, I'm planning on spending my time in Seattle training myself to be a professional illustrator through a combination of online courses and in-person art classes. I've finally realized that my body and the film/video/tv production industry are no longer compatible, and I need to stop trying to find gigs that will accommodate me in an industry that's so physical and requires such long hours. Illustration is something that can be and often is done remotely, which is what I need. Until recently, I hadn't really drawn much since middle school - my mom says I stopped because I was sick of people asking me to draw things for them...? I never considered it something I could actually do as a career until my friend Laura hooked me up with an illustration gig for Links of London that was totally legit! (----> check out Laura's awesome swimsuit line Novel Swim <----) But I've only taken a couple art classes since high school, and no art history classes, so I want to really get to know the medium (like I did with film in college) by studying the history and techniques, and also teach myself the software, so I can get real good and put together an impressive portfolio.
So, those are the updates. When I get to Seattle I'll find new doctors and start again on that front. Luckily it seems like Medicaid in Washington is a lot better than Medicaid in California. But we shall see!
On a final note, I just want to let everyone know that despite all this, I'm ok, and I'm going to be ok. I know that chronic pain often comes with depression, and a lot of people are worried about me, so I just want everyone to know that I'm not severely depressed or suicidal. Yes, I get sad and frustrated at times but I've learned not to dwell on the things I can't change. I often think of a nightmare I had once when I was younger when I became self-aware in the dream and screamed out "change the channel!" and it switched from a bad dream to a good dream. So I just try to do that in real life :)
I feel incredibly lucky that I have the support system that I have and that I'm able to move in with loving parents who would do anything for me. I know that a lot of people don't have that, and those are the people who fall through the cracks. Someday when I have my shit together, I hope to be able to help out people who don't have a support system like me. I also feel very lucky that I got to live the life I've lived thus far, going to college on the east coast, traveling around the world, living in New York and and working in TV. I feel like I've already lived one great life and am starting another, quieter life, as an artist, with a garden, back in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. So come visit!
